Host: What is the fourth key value for compatibility?

Gloria MacDonald: The fourth key value is all around parenting and believe it or not, this has nothing to do with whether or not, you are planning on having children, whether you already have children or whether you have grandchildren. All of us in life are going to have children in our lives in some way, shape or form. So whether maybe both partners have decided, we are not interested in having children and thats all great and all well. But still, your whole value around parenting, even if you are not having children, will come out in life and you will be amazed. Of course, if you are planning on having children together, then the more you have in common around those values about how to raise children and the childrens place in society, the better off you are. Of course, if you are a couple where you have already had your own children, one or both of you have already had your own children and you are bringing your families together, this is huge, or believe it or not, even if you are at an age where your kids are grown and out of the house and you are forming a relationship, your kids are always your kids. They will always be in your life and they will always have an effect on your relationship with your partner. So, there are two dramatically different views on children. There is that kind of children who meant to be seen and not heard or you have got to keep your children under control versus children should have the freedom to express themselves and they should learn through experiencing new things and having freedom and just all kinds of flexibility in life. So, for example, let us say this is playing out in a dating relationship and the couple is out on a date and let us say its a couple that has no intention of having children whatsoever or maybe they immature couple and neither one of them has kids. But still, one partner could think that children are wonderful and children need to be involved in the family and that children need their independence and their freedom to explore life and grow and become themselves and the other person might feel that children need discipline, they need to learn responsibility and the earlier the better.

So, lets say you are out at a restaurant and you are trying to have a nice, intimate dinner and two tables over, there is a family with young kids and the kids are making noise and maybe one of them starts to cry. Well, the partner in this dating situation that feels like children are kind of meant to be seen and not heard and of course, that's an exaggeration, but at the far end of the scale. That partner is going to be really upset that these parents dont have those kids under control and if parents can't keep those kids under control, then they just shouldnt bring them out to a public restaurant where people are trying to enjoy a nice quiet dinner.

The other person that feels like, Kids need to have the freedom to be kids. Of course, they are going to be loud and they are going to cry and thats just part of the joy of growing up and the joy of expressing your youth and your childhood and your joy and your freedom. Its going to be like, Give it a rest, they are kids, of course they are going to make noise. Isnt it wonderful that a family can come out and enjoy a dinner together at a restaurant? Two diametrically opposing views of that situation and believe it or not, that can cause huge conflicts. Of course, if you are planning on having children, this is something you are going to be working on together literally, for the rest of your lives.

So, its really important for you to understand where your partner or your potential partner is or truly understand where you are on this value, so that when you are out there looking for a potential partner, you can really be thinking about this because this is a huge one for everyone whether you have children, you are planning on having children or you are never considering having children in your life.