Part 3 - How to Have a Successful Relationship: Tools for Resolving Issues

Part 3 - How to Have a Successful Relationship: Tools for Resolving Issues

Resolving Irritations, Frustrations and Light Tensions

Resolving Irritations, Frustrations and Light Tensions

How do we talk about our sensitive issues together?

How do we talk about our sensitive issues together?

What is the most important Element or skill in discussing issues?

What is the most important Element or skill in discussing issues?

Tools for Listening so That You Always Feel Heard

Tools for Listening so That You Always Feel Heard

Effective Resolutions that Respond to Both Person's Needs

Effective Resolutions that Respond to Both Person's Needs

What should we do when we are starting to feel really upset?

What should we do when we are starting to feel really upset?

Can I always de-escalate the pressure?

Can I always de-escalate the pressure?

Part 4 - Lovemaking: Transforming Sex into Lovemaking

Part 4 - Lovemaking: Transforming Sex into Lovemaking

What range of sexual experiences can we have?

What range of sexual experiences can we have?

Why does lovemaking seem to change overtime and become just sex in a marriage?

Why does lovemaking seem to change overtime and become just sex in a marriage?

How does erotic sex become a problem?

How does erotic sex become a problem?

How do Turn On's become a problem?

How do Turn On's become a problem?

How would I know when I'm caught up in my Turn On's?

How would I know when I'm caught up in my Turn On's?

What is the difference between sex and intimacy?

What is the difference between sex and intimacy?

How does goal-oriented sex limit the ecstatic experience?

How does goal-oriented sex limit the ecstatic experience?

If sex wasn't goal oriented, what would it be like?

If sex wasn't goal oriented, what would it be like?

Don't women want to have sex as well?

Don't women want to have sex as well?

How does this orientation of lovemaking change the experience?

How does this orientation of lovemaking change the experience?

How does pure lovemaking affect each partner's lives?

How does pure lovemaking affect each partner's lives?

How does this lovemaking change your relationship together?

How does this lovemaking change your relationship together?

Part 5 - How to Live the Relationship You Dreamed Of

Part 5 - How to Live the Relationship You Dreamed Of

For unhappy couples, could they just be incompatible?

For unhappy couples, could they just be incompatible?

What does it take for a couple to live the relationship they've dreamed of?

What does it take for a couple to live the relationship they've dreamed of?

7th Principle: You're Not Entitled to Freely Dump Your Tensions

7th Principle: You're Not Entitled to Freely Dump Your Tensions

6th Principle: Is This the Setting to Really Resolve This?

6th Principle: Is This the Setting to Really Resolve This?

5th Principle: Both Person's Needs Matter!

5th Principle: Both Person's Needs Matter!

If I don't know what my partner is upset about how can I validate it?

If I don't know what my partner is upset about how can I validate it?

If I don't agree how can I validate my partner?

If I don't agree how can I validate my partner?

4th Principle: Relating is the key to harmony when needs conflict

4th Principle: Relating is the key to harmony when needs conflict

3rd Principle: Take Responsibility in a Conflict

3rd Principle: Take Responsibility in a Conflict

When something is bothering me, how do I get someone to change?

When something is bothering me, how do I get someone to change?

Doesn't honest criticism get your partner to change?

Doesn't honest criticism get your partner to change?

2nd Principle: No More Criticizing or Blaming!

2nd Principle: No More Criticizing or Blaming!

What do we do with our ego needs?

What do we do with our ego needs?

What if what I want in a conflict doesn't seem over the top?

What if what I want in a conflict doesn't seem over the top?

How can I identify all the areas in my personality where these pressures show up?

How can I identify all the areas in my personality where these pressures show up?

How does self-awareness of your personality help?

How does self-awareness of your personality help?

Do we need to analyze all the issues from our past?

Do we need to analyze all the issues from our past?

How do you know when your personality is "Over the Top?"

How do you know when your personality is "Over the Top?"

What does the Enneagram teach about self-awareness?

What does the Enneagram teach about self-awareness?

Self-Awareness of Your Personality is the 1st Principle

Self-Awareness of Your Personality is the 1st Principle

7 Basic Principles for Concious Conflict Resolution

7 Basic Principles for Concious Conflict Resolution

How do we prevent having conflicts with each other?

How do we prevent having conflicts with each other?

What should we do when our needs conflict?

What should we do when our needs conflict?

In a conflict, isn't someone right and someone wrong?

In a conflict, isn't someone right and someone wrong?

Is the problem our unmet needs or how we communicate our needs with our partner?

Is the problem our unmet needs or how we communicate our needs with our partner?

What is an example of tensions creating conflict using the Enneagram?

What is an example of tensions creating conflict using the Enneagram?

If we're in love, why can there be so much conflict or tension?

If we're in love, why can there be so much conflict or tension?

What does it take for a couple to live the relationship they've dreamed of?

What does it take for a couple to live the relationship they've dreamed of?

For unhappy couples, could they just be incompatible?

For unhappy couples, could they just be incompatible?

Part 5 - How to Live the Relationship You Dreamed Of

Part 5 - How to Live the Relationship You Dreamed Of

How does this lovemaking change your relationship together?

How does this lovemaking change your relationship together?

How does pure lovemaking affect each partner's lives?

How does pure lovemaking affect each partner's lives?

How does this orientation of lovemaking change the experience?

How does this orientation of lovemaking change the experience?

Don't women want to have sex as well?

Don't women want to have sex as well?

If sex wasn't goal oriented, what would it be like?

If sex wasn't goal oriented, what would it be like?

How does goal-oriented sex limit the ecstatic experience?

How does goal-oriented sex limit the ecstatic experience?

What is the difference between sex and intimacy?

What is the difference between sex and intimacy?

How would I know when I'm caught up in my Turn On's?

How would I know when I'm caught up in my Turn On's?

How do Turn On's become a problem?

How do Turn On's become a problem?

How does erotic sex become a problem?

How does erotic sex become a problem?

Why does lovemaking seem to change overtime and become just sex in a marriage?

Why does lovemaking seem to change overtime and become just sex in a marriage?

What range of sexual experiences can we have?

What range of sexual experiences can we have?

Part 4 - Lovemaking: Transforming Sex into Lovemaking

Part 4 - Lovemaking: Transforming Sex into Lovemaking

Can I always de-escalate the pressure?

Can I always de-escalate the pressure?

What should we do when we are starting to feel really upset?

What should we do when we are starting to feel really upset?

Effective Resolutions that Respond to Both Person's Needs

Effective Resolutions that Respond to Both Person's Needs

Tools for Listening so That You Always Feel Heard

Tools for Listening so That You Always Feel Heard

What is the most important Element or skill in discussing issues?

What is the most important Element or skill in discussing issues?

How do we talk about our sensitive issues together?

How do we talk about our sensitive issues together?

Resolving Irritations, Frustrations and Light Tensions

Resolving Irritations, Frustrations and Light Tensions

Part 3 - How to Have a Successful Relationship: Tools for Resolving Issues

Part 3 - How to Have a Successful Relationship: Tools for Resolving Issues

How can we learn more about our own Enneagram type and our partners?

How can we learn more about our own Enneagram type and our partners?

What are the nine personality needs in the Enneagram?

What are the nine personality needs in the Enneagram?

How do we find our personality needs using the Enneagram?

How do we find our personality needs using the Enneagram?

How can we identify what our core personality needs are?

How can we identify what our core personality needs are?

Where do these personality needs come from?

Where do these personality needs come from?

What is “compatibility” in a love relationship?

What is “compatibility” in a love relationship?

What can we do right now to be happier?

What can we do right now to be happier?

Happiness: How can we increase pleasure and love together?

Happiness: How can we increase pleasure and love together?

How would creating emotional safety change the relationship?

How would creating emotional safety change the relationship?

Wouldn’t it be easier to find a new partner?

Wouldn’t it be easier to find a new partner?

What if my partner doesn’t want to work on our issues?

What if my partner doesn’t want to work on our issues?

How to Have a Successful Relationship (Part 1)

How to Have a Successful Relationship (Part 1)

How does this orientation of love change the relationship?

How does this orientation of love change the relationship?

How does pure lovemaking affect each partner in their well being?

How does pure lovemaking affect each partner in their well being?

How does this orientation of lovemaking change the experience?

How does this orientation of lovemaking change the experience?

Don't women want to have sex as well?

Don't women want to have sex as well?

If sex wasn't goal oriented, what would it be like?

If sex wasn't goal oriented, what would it be like?

How does goal-oriented sex shift the whole experience?

How does goal-oriented sex shift the whole experience?

What is the difference between sex and intimacy?

What is the difference between sex and intimacy?

How would I know when I'm caught up in my Turn On's?

How would I know when I'm caught up in my Turn On's?

How can Turn On's become a problem?

How can Turn On's become a problem?

Where do Turn On's come from?

Where do Turn On's come from?

Why does lovemaking seem to change over time to just sex in a marriage?

Why does lovemaking seem to change over time to just sex in a marriage?

What is the range of sexual experiences we can have?

What is the range of sexual experiences we can have?

What does it mean to transform sex into lovemaking?

What does it mean to transform sex into lovemaking?

How to Have a Successful Relationship (Part 4): Spice up Love

How to Have a Successful Relationship (Part 4): Spice up Love

Meeting Dates Made Easy

Meeting Dates Made Easy

Prom Etiquette

Prom Etiquette

How to Buy Diamond Jewelry

How to Buy Diamond Jewelry

How to Buy Diamond Stud Earrings

How to Buy Diamond Stud Earrings

How to Buy a Diamond Bracelet

How to Buy a Diamond Bracelet

How to Buy a Diamond Necklace

How to Buy a Diamond Necklace

How to Save Money Buying Diamond Jewelry

How to Save Money Buying Diamond Jewelry

How to Buy Diamond Jewelry Online

How to Buy Diamond Jewelry Online

How to Care For Diamond Jewelry

How to Care For Diamond Jewelry

How to Insure Your Diamond Jewelry

How to Insure Your Diamond Jewelry

How to Trade-up Diamond Jewelry

How to Trade-up Diamond Jewelry

Dating Tips for Shy People

Dating Tips for Shy People

View more ...

Chris Wright

www.pulsarnet.com/cw  

(703) 560-1520

Chris Wright is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. He sees clients in the Washington, D.C. area and has telephone clients from around the world. So if you are having difficulty in your relationship, call for a free telephone consultation. Chris was Director of the Human Relations Institute in Houston and with PAIRS International -- training psychologists, psychiatrists and therapists in couple's skills programs. As an innovator in the field, he has developed a unique blend of tools that increase the effectiveness in relationships. He has Masters Degrees from the University of Arizona and Antioch University in Los Angeles.

What should we do when we are starting to feel really upset?

Relationship expert Chris Wright talks about what we should do when we are starting to feel really upset

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Host: What should we do when we are starting to feel really upset?

Chris Wright: When we are starting to get really upset, something triggers us. There is two things that we need to do or two things we can do. The first has to do with can we defuse the pressure here, right away, so it does not turn into an argument. Some people, when they get triggered, they go from 0 to 60, really fast, they get really upset out of nowhere, maybe there has been a lot of pressure buried inside of them before, but for whatever reason, they get really upset. So is there something I can do right now, if you got triggered and you are that upset, is there something I can do right now that would immediately defuse the pressure, that would dissolve the tension. So we can get back to feeling reconnected, very quickly, without having to go through a whole process here. So that is my first option to see if that is possible. That can be difficult, because lot of times when that happens it happens out-of-the-blue, or happens in situation where you really can t sit and talk about it or at the office party and you got triggered or we are in the car with the kids and you have gotten triggered. What can we do right now to defuse this pressure? Not easy to do because you are triggered, you said something that was sort of critical of me, that triggered me, I look in my world, I do not get what you are so upset about and so I feel little defensive. So it s hard for me to have a sense of what can I do right now, that would mollify you, to smooth this out because I do not want to feel like I am groveling, I do not feel like what I did was wrong necessarily, it was not that big deal for me. Some people in their attempt to try to avoid any kind of tension, they just jump immediately to, I am sorry, I am sorry. It s not where so much one of the tools that for what we teach in the sense, you can say your side, but the other person, I don t know if they really trust you, jump into, I am sorry. They are really wanting to see, what are you sorry about? Do you really get it? And here is they sitting in our world, we do not get it and we are trying to avoid a conflict by saying it.

So it tends not be a real solid way of reducing the pressures. So for us we have come up with seven different ways, different ways that different facets that in a difficult situation, immediately can start to relax the situation, get us reconnected going forward. It s one of the most important things I know in my life, I have been inadvertently triggered my partners and all this tension comes up. We are not able to sit in that moment to talk it through, what can we do right now, to get reconnected. The way I consider visualize in my mind, it s like a coy that all of a sudden enters a free way, it starts going 0 to 60 really fast. Oh my God, this thing is taken off and it s really accelerating with what you are saying, oh my Lord and I sense, in the way we teach ours is three different exits that you can take. There is an initial exit right away, if you just say this, ding, ding, ding, it moves us right off onto our last stop, it gets us off to free, of this free way of this escalating tensions, where it s starting to get up to 60 mile, boom, get it right off. So we can start moving forward, feeling reconnected together as a team. Really important, that dissolves the pressures very quickly. Sometimes though my partner could go right past the first exit, boom, like an arrow really getting fast and it s like, what is my second exit, I missed the first and so now the whole different intervention, whole different things that I could say that would immediately move this, they are authentic to me, that are real, but the same time, defuse the whole pressure. Again, sometimes I miss the first two exits, now we are really upset, boom. What is the third exit we can take, so this does not become destructive, what is happening here. So the person does not start to angrily upset and starts yelling or shutting down and not talking to me. So what is the third exit that we can move into a stronger set of tools, an intervention that would immediately relax the situation and move this forward. So we are connected again as a team. So you might want to use that model in your mind, sitting to have the conversation together, what would be the three exits, what would you like your partner to say to you that would help you to defuse the pressure right then without having to give up their perspective necessarily, but honors, what you are going through. So each of those levels are important to have, it s one of the most important skills I think couples can have.