How do Turn On's become a problem?
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Part 3 - How to Have a Successful Relationship: Tools for Resolving Issues
Resolving Irritations, Frustrations and Light Tensions
How do we talk about our sensitive issues together?
What is the most important Element or skill in discussing issues?
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Effective Resolutions that Respond to Both Person's Needs
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Part 4 - Lovemaking: Transforming Sex into Lovemaking
What range of sexual experiences can we have?
Why does lovemaking seem to change overtime and become just sex in a marriage?
How does erotic sex become a problem?
How do Turn On's become a problem?
How would I know when I'm caught up in my Turn On's?
What is the difference between sex and intimacy?
How does goal-oriented sex limit the ecstatic experience?
If sex wasn't goal oriented, what would it be like?
Don't women want to have sex as well?
How does this orientation of lovemaking change the experience?
How does pure lovemaking affect each partner's lives?
How does this lovemaking change your relationship together?
Part 5 - How to Live the Relationship You Dreamed Of
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What does it take for a couple to live the relationship they've dreamed of?
How to Have a Successful Relationship (Part 4): Spice up Love
How to Have a Successful Relationship (Part 1)
Part 3 - How to Have a Successful Relationship: Tools for Resolving Issues
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Chris Wright is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. He sees clients in the Washington, D.C. area and has telephone clients from around the world. So if you are having difficulty in your relationship, call for a free telephone consultation. Chris was Director of the Human Relations Institute in Houston and with PAIRS International -- training psychologists, psychiatrists and therapists in couple's skills programs. As an innovator in the field, he has developed a unique blend of tools that increase the effectiveness in relationships. He has Masters Degrees from the University of Arizona and Antioch University in Los Angeles.
How do Turn On's become a problem?
Relationship expert Chris Rock talks about how turn on's can become a problem.
Transcripts
Host:How do Turn On's become a problem?
Chris Wright:Both Turn On's and Turn Off s , they merely take you out of the present, out of the connection with your partner. The source of the energies, whether it be pleasure or uncomfortableness that s coming up, it is coming from your mind, it is coming from your imagination, it is coming from imprinted energies from your past that have been triggered or stimulated and that is what is giving rise to the experience, not from the innocent connection with your partner.
That is why they say that that sex is all in your head, that it is all in your mind, triggering these imprinted energies is a function of being what is in your head and that maybe true what you are looking for is sexual ratification If you are just looking to get turned on and excited, then indeed you can trigger these memories, these association, these imprinted Turn On's and get that excitement. There is a tremendous amount of pleasure, concentrated pleasure that can be associated with these buttons on these feelings get triggered in a person, but that is not love, that is not the love energies we are talking about.
You are not triggering these fundamental life forces together; you are triggering images or imprinted energies in your head. After all a person can get that high from any sexual object they are attracted to, they can even get that experience from the Internet and anonymously. So, this is not love, there is nothing precious that is generating pleasure, that is coming up for the person, even though it can feel wonderful, there is still a big difference here.
So, when you are focused in your lovemaking on sexual excitement by trying to get the person turned on by triggering these Turn On's , what you are doing is, that you are setting up and insulated sexual encounter. You are putting the person in touch with these issues that are all these feelings that are all up in their head and are having their own sexual experience within themselves.
It is like two people coming together and so to getting each other off sexually and calling that love, but there is no love there. It is more about sex then it is about lovemaking
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