If we're in love, why can there be so much conflict or tension?
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If we're in love, why can there be so much conflict or tension?
What is an example of tensions creating conflict using the Enneagram?
Is the problem our unmet needs or how we communicate our needs with our partner?
In a conflict, isn't someone right and someone wrong?
What should we do when our needs conflict?
How do we prevent having conflicts with each other?
7 Basic Principles for Concious Conflict Resolution
Self-Awareness of Your Personality is the 1st Principle
What does the Enneagram teach about self-awareness?
How do you know when your personality is "Over the Top?"
Do we need to analyze all the issues from our past?
How does self-awareness of your personality help?
How can I identify all the areas in my personality where these pressures show up?
What if what I want in a conflict doesn't seem over the top?
What do we do with our ego needs?
2nd Principle: No More Criticizing or Blaming!
Doesn't honest criticism get your partner to change?
When something is bothering me, how do I get someone to change?
3rd Principle: Take Responsibility in a Conflict
4th Principle: Relating is the key to harmony when needs conflict
If I don't agree how can I validate my partner?
If I don't know what my partner is upset about how can I validate it?
5th Principle: Both Person's Needs Matter!
6th Principle: Is This the Setting to Really Resolve This?
7th Principle: You're Not Entitled to Freely Dump Your Tensions
How to Have a Successful Relationship (Part 4): Spice up Love
How to Have a Successful Relationship (Part 1)
Part 3 - How to Have a Successful Relationship: Tools for Resolving Issues
If we're in love, why can there be so much conflict or tension?
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Chris Wright is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. He sees clients in the Washington, D.C. area and has telephone clients from around the world. So if you are having difficulty in your relationship, call for a free telephone consultation. Chris was Director of the Human Relations Institute in Houston and with PAIRS International -- training psychologists, psychiatrists and therapists in couple's skills programs. As an innovator in the field, he has developed a unique blend of tools that increase the effectiveness in relationships. He has Masters Degrees from the University of Arizona and Antioch University in Los Angeles.
If we're in love, why can there be so much conflict or tension?
Host: Why can there be so much conflict and tension in a relationship when a couple is really in love?
Chris Wright: Here is the thing, when our needs are met, it nourishes us in some way, it makes us feel whole. We are getting an experience of something outside of ourselves that replicates something that we are missing deep inside. So it fills us in a way that feels wonderful and makes up indeed feel whole, it s a very fulfilling experience.
Transcripts
Host: Why can there be so much conflict and tension in a relationship when a couple is really in love?
Chris Wright: Here is the thing, when our needs are met, it nourishes us in some way, it makes us feel whole. We are getting an experience of something outside of ourselves that replicates something that we are missing deep inside. So it fills us in a way that feels wonderful and makes up indeed feel whole, it s a very fulfilling experience. But when those needs are not met or when they are disregarded, the exact opposite happens. We start to contract inside; it starts filling this with agitation, maybe hurts our feelings or we get anxious. This is the source of the conflicts in the relationship and in that moment, we could lose touch with our sense of being in love with the person, maybe we are so angry or hurt in that moment. But it s true that this is really a natural part of being in a relationship, we all have these areas of insecurity, of emptiness inside.
So from time to time in life, as it stretches us, those areas are going to get triggered and up comes those feelings inside. If we have the tools, if we have the frameworks, so that we always work through it in a hard felt way, then it s fine and then we stay ahead of it. If we do not have these frameworks, if we do not have those tools, then there is no emotional safety and the whole thing over time can start driving us apart.
How do we find our personality needs using the Enneagram?
What are the nine personality needs in the Enneagram?
How can we learn more about our own Enneagram type and our partners?
How can we identify what our core personality needs are?
What is the most important Element or skill in discussing issues?
Tools for Listening so That You Always Feel Heard
Can I always de-escalate the pressure?
Part 5 - How to Live the Relationship You Dreamed Of
For unhappy couples, could they just be incompatible?
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