If we're in love, why can there be so much conflict or tension?

If we're in love, why can there be so much conflict or tension?

What is an example of tensions creating conflict using the Enneagram?

What is an example of tensions creating conflict using the Enneagram?

Is the problem our unmet needs or how we communicate our needs with our partner?

Is the problem our unmet needs or how we communicate our needs with our partner?

In a conflict, isn't someone right and someone wrong?

In a conflict, isn't someone right and someone wrong?

What should we do when our needs conflict?

What should we do when our needs conflict?

How do we prevent having conflicts with each other?

How do we prevent having conflicts with each other?

7 Basic Principles for Concious Conflict Resolution

7 Basic Principles for Concious Conflict Resolution

Self-Awareness of Your Personality is the 1st Principle

Self-Awareness of Your Personality is the 1st Principle

What does the Enneagram teach about self-awareness?

What does the Enneagram teach about self-awareness?

How do you know when your personality is "Over the Top?"

How do you know when your personality is "Over the Top?"

Do we need to analyze all the issues from our past?

Do we need to analyze all the issues from our past?

How does self-awareness of your personality help?

How does self-awareness of your personality help?

How can I identify all the areas in my personality where these pressures show up?

How can I identify all the areas in my personality where these pressures show up?

What if what I want in a conflict doesn't seem over the top?

What if what I want in a conflict doesn't seem over the top?

What do we do with our ego needs?

What do we do with our ego needs?

2nd Principle: No More Criticizing or Blaming!

2nd Principle: No More Criticizing or Blaming!

Doesn't honest criticism get your partner to change?

Doesn't honest criticism get your partner to change?

When something is bothering me, how do I get someone to change?

When something is bothering me, how do I get someone to change?

3rd Principle: Take Responsibility in a Conflict

3rd Principle: Take Responsibility in a Conflict

4th Principle: Relating is the key to harmony when needs conflict

4th Principle: Relating is the key to harmony when needs conflict

If I don't agree how can I validate my partner?

If I don't agree how can I validate my partner?

If I don't know what my partner is upset about how can I validate it?

If I don't know what my partner is upset about how can I validate it?

5th Principle: Both Person's Needs Matter!

5th Principle: Both Person's Needs Matter!

6th Principle: Is This the Setting to Really Resolve This?

6th Principle: Is This the Setting to Really Resolve This?

7th Principle: You're Not Entitled to Freely Dump Your Tensions

7th Principle: You're Not Entitled to Freely Dump Your Tensions

7th Principle: You're Not Entitled to Freely Dump Your Tensions

7th Principle: You're Not Entitled to Freely Dump Your Tensions

6th Principle: Is This the Setting to Really Resolve This?

6th Principle: Is This the Setting to Really Resolve This?

5th Principle: Both Person's Needs Matter!

5th Principle: Both Person's Needs Matter!

If I don't know what my partner is upset about how can I validate it?

If I don't know what my partner is upset about how can I validate it?

If I don't agree how can I validate my partner?

If I don't agree how can I validate my partner?

4th Principle: Relating is the key to harmony when needs conflict

4th Principle: Relating is the key to harmony when needs conflict

3rd Principle: Take Responsibility in a Conflict

3rd Principle: Take Responsibility in a Conflict

When something is bothering me, how do I get someone to change?

When something is bothering me, how do I get someone to change?

Doesn't honest criticism get your partner to change?

Doesn't honest criticism get your partner to change?

2nd Principle: No More Criticizing or Blaming!

2nd Principle: No More Criticizing or Blaming!

What do we do with our ego needs?

What do we do with our ego needs?

What if what I want in a conflict doesn't seem over the top?

What if what I want in a conflict doesn't seem over the top?

How can I identify all the areas in my personality where these pressures show up?

How can I identify all the areas in my personality where these pressures show up?

How does self-awareness of your personality help?

How does self-awareness of your personality help?

Do we need to analyze all the issues from our past?

Do we need to analyze all the issues from our past?

How do you know when your personality is "Over the Top?"

How do you know when your personality is "Over the Top?"

What does the Enneagram teach about self-awareness?

What does the Enneagram teach about self-awareness?

Self-Awareness of Your Personality is the 1st Principle

Self-Awareness of Your Personality is the 1st Principle

7 Basic Principles for Concious Conflict Resolution

7 Basic Principles for Concious Conflict Resolution

How do we prevent having conflicts with each other?

How do we prevent having conflicts with each other?

What should we do when our needs conflict?

What should we do when our needs conflict?

In a conflict, isn't someone right and someone wrong?

In a conflict, isn't someone right and someone wrong?

Is the problem our unmet needs or how we communicate our needs with our partner?

Is the problem our unmet needs or how we communicate our needs with our partner?

What is an example of tensions creating conflict using the Enneagram?

What is an example of tensions creating conflict using the Enneagram?

If we're in love, why can there be so much conflict or tension?

If we're in love, why can there be so much conflict or tension?

What does it take for a couple to live the relationship they've dreamed of?

What does it take for a couple to live the relationship they've dreamed of?

For unhappy couples, could they just be incompatible?

For unhappy couples, could they just be incompatible?

Part 5 - How to Live the Relationship You Dreamed Of

Part 5 - How to Live the Relationship You Dreamed Of

How does this lovemaking change your relationship together?

How does this lovemaking change your relationship together?

How does pure lovemaking affect each partner's lives?

How does pure lovemaking affect each partner's lives?

How does this orientation of lovemaking change the experience?

How does this orientation of lovemaking change the experience?

Don't women want to have sex as well?

Don't women want to have sex as well?

If sex wasn't goal oriented, what would it be like?

If sex wasn't goal oriented, what would it be like?

How does goal-oriented sex limit the ecstatic experience?

How does goal-oriented sex limit the ecstatic experience?

What is the difference between sex and intimacy?

What is the difference between sex and intimacy?

How would I know when I'm caught up in my Turn On's?

How would I know when I'm caught up in my Turn On's?

How do Turn On's become a problem?

How do Turn On's become a problem?

How does erotic sex become a problem?

How does erotic sex become a problem?

Why does lovemaking seem to change overtime and become just sex in a marriage?

Why does lovemaking seem to change overtime and become just sex in a marriage?

What range of sexual experiences can we have?

What range of sexual experiences can we have?

Part 4 - Lovemaking: Transforming Sex into Lovemaking

Part 4 - Lovemaking: Transforming Sex into Lovemaking

Can I always de-escalate the pressure?

Can I always de-escalate the pressure?

What should we do when we are starting to feel really upset?

What should we do when we are starting to feel really upset?

Effective Resolutions that Respond to Both Person's Needs

Effective Resolutions that Respond to Both Person's Needs

Tools for Listening so That You Always Feel Heard

Tools for Listening so That You Always Feel Heard

What is the most important Element or skill in discussing issues?

What is the most important Element or skill in discussing issues?

How do we talk about our sensitive issues together?

How do we talk about our sensitive issues together?

Resolving Irritations, Frustrations and Light Tensions

Resolving Irritations, Frustrations and Light Tensions

Part 3 - How to Have a Successful Relationship: Tools for Resolving Issues

Part 3 - How to Have a Successful Relationship: Tools for Resolving Issues

How can we learn more about our own Enneagram type and our partners?

How can we learn more about our own Enneagram type and our partners?

What are the nine personality needs in the Enneagram?

What are the nine personality needs in the Enneagram?

How do we find our personality needs using the Enneagram?

How do we find our personality needs using the Enneagram?

How can we identify what our core personality needs are?

How can we identify what our core personality needs are?

Where do these personality needs come from?

Where do these personality needs come from?

What is “compatibility” in a love relationship?

What is “compatibility” in a love relationship?

What can we do right now to be happier?

What can we do right now to be happier?

Happiness: How can we increase pleasure and love together?

Happiness: How can we increase pleasure and love together?

How would creating emotional safety change the relationship?

How would creating emotional safety change the relationship?

Wouldn’t it be easier to find a new partner?

Wouldn’t it be easier to find a new partner?

What if my partner doesn’t want to work on our issues?

What if my partner doesn’t want to work on our issues?

How to Have a Successful Relationship (Part 1)

How to Have a Successful Relationship (Part 1)

How does this orientation of love change the relationship?

How does this orientation of love change the relationship?

How does pure lovemaking affect each partner in their well being?

How does pure lovemaking affect each partner in their well being?

How does this orientation of lovemaking change the experience?

How does this orientation of lovemaking change the experience?

Don't women want to have sex as well?

Don't women want to have sex as well?

If sex wasn't goal oriented, what would it be like?

If sex wasn't goal oriented, what would it be like?

How does goal-oriented sex shift the whole experience?

How does goal-oriented sex shift the whole experience?

What is the difference between sex and intimacy?

What is the difference between sex and intimacy?

How would I know when I'm caught up in my Turn On's?

How would I know when I'm caught up in my Turn On's?

How can Turn On's become a problem?

How can Turn On's become a problem?

Where do Turn On's come from?

Where do Turn On's come from?

Why does lovemaking seem to change over time to just sex in a marriage?

Why does lovemaking seem to change over time to just sex in a marriage?

What is the range of sexual experiences we can have?

What is the range of sexual experiences we can have?

What does it mean to transform sex into lovemaking?

What does it mean to transform sex into lovemaking?

How to Have a Successful Relationship (Part 4): Spice up Love

How to Have a Successful Relationship (Part 4): Spice up Love

9 Epic Proposals That Will Make You Cry

9 Epic Proposals That Will Make You Cry

Meeting Dates Made Easy

Meeting Dates Made Easy

Prom Etiquette

Prom Etiquette

How to Buy Diamond Jewelry

How to Buy Diamond Jewelry

How to Buy Diamond Stud Earrings

How to Buy Diamond Stud Earrings

How to Buy a Diamond Bracelet

How to Buy a Diamond Bracelet

How to Buy a Diamond Necklace

How to Buy a Diamond Necklace

How to Save Money Buying Diamond Jewelry

How to Save Money Buying Diamond Jewelry

How to Buy Diamond Jewelry Online

How to Buy Diamond Jewelry Online

How to Care For Diamond Jewelry

How to Care For Diamond Jewelry

How to Insure Your Diamond Jewelry

How to Insure Your Diamond Jewelry

How to Trade-up Diamond Jewelry

How to Trade-up Diamond Jewelry

View more ...

Chris Wright

www.pulsarnet.com/cw  

(703) 560-1520

Chris Wright is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. He sees clients in the Washington, D.C. area and has telephone clients from around the world. So if you are having difficulty in your relationship, call for a free telephone consultation. Chris was Director of the Human Relations Institute in Houston and with PAIRS International -- training psychologists, psychiatrists and therapists in couple's skills programs. As an innovator in the field, he has developed a unique blend of tools that increase the effectiveness in relationships. He has Masters Degrees from the University of Arizona and Antioch University in Los Angeles.

How do you know when your personality is "Over the Top?"

Chris Wright talks about over the top personalities.

This video: 9,660 views
This expert: 647,844 views

Print

Transcripts

Host:If what I want feels so natural in my personality, how I do know where I am over the top?

Chris Wright: We will let you on resources; it is going to be difficult to know when you are on over the top. It showed so naturally to it just makes sense to you; this is the way life is. All you know is that when I am doing X, it makes me feel whole, it makes me feel wonderful. So, how could wholeness be over the top? I mean a two feels wonderful when they feel other people respond to them, and light them and so for a two, the giver, how could giving to other people be over the top? For a three, who feels deep inside that I am nobody and that I need to feel successful to be somebody, in their world, how could being successful be over the top? For the six who does not trust, who needs to tie everything down, a six would say, how can being responsible and tying everything down being over the top?

It seems so natural and that is what creates wholeness that is the sense of wholeness in the person. You just ask their partner, they will tell you it is over the top. When you are not that Enneagram type, it is pretty obvious that the effort in the intensity, the attachment is over the top. So, let us take a moment to discover what would be over the top way, let s go through each of the nine different types, review each of them and see, where there tendency is to go over the top and as we do that. One should have noticed for not only your type and for your wings and for your lines what areas that might be over the top for you and for your partner.

So, we use this sentence phrase that says, their need tends to make them, so I will start with the ones. Their need for perfection tends to make them too perfect, too nitpicky, too obsessed with details in their life. For the two the giver, the need to be light makes them too focused on other peoples need to trying to be helpful not aware of their own needs in any situations. For a three there need to be successful, makes them too focused on their projects all the time, always wanting to make sure all their projects are moving ahead to make them feel important, that they are successful that they somebody, makes them to over the top in their presentation that they need to always look good in front of people.

For fours, the drama, Mr. and Miss. Drama, this emotional sensitivity cause them to be too dramatic, too over the top and being sensitive, needing to always to be different from everybody. Five they need to understand they need to know, makes them too intellectual, too brainy, not in that feeling, not in that contactfulness with others in a heart felt way, not enough to exposer or engagement with people in a way that is contactful. So, they tend to be too much space, too pulled back, too much in their head.

For the sixes, who need to trust, they are too responsible, too anxious, too worried about everything is always going to fall apart and everything has to be tied down, everything has to controlled, everything has to be controlled, everything has to know everything that is going on. For the seven believe it or not they are too happy, this need for happiness is a way of avoiding dealing with reality, dealing with pain, it becomes their problem. It is too optimistic, too idealistic, not grounded, not real. For the eight, the warrior bullheaded eight.

This needs to dominate people or avoid being dominated. This needs to be strong and confront them, put people down or feel powerful, unnecessary over the top and for nine the sense of wanting to stay in touch with this love and harmony and go with the flow in life cause them to be too laid back, too very responsible, too caught up in their own world that kind of numbness instead of proactive and responsible. So, you can see each type tends to have a need that in of itself is a gift, but to the extent they lose touch with that gift, that quality, it creates the pressure that they then tend to over compensate and come on too strong trying to fill that need and they do not realize it, because it creates wholeness when they meet it, creates bliss fulfillment, but they do not see when they are not able to step out of it and see how strongly over the top it is.

So, gaining self-awareness of where were over the top can be very difficult, but it is important to come to grips with, so that you have the sense that you are over the hump about it. You see where it shows up in your personality, you freely own it, so you have a sense of powering the matter rather than being a victim or being effective of it completely