What if what I want in a conflict doesn't seem over the top?

Host: What if what I want in a conflict doesn t seem over the top? Chris Wright: When you are in a conflict, what you want may not be over the top, and there are lot of times, you may be right on, but I would want to ask you is, why does that really matter? I mean, ask yourself, why is this so important? I mean a lot of couples end up fighting about things, but on the surface don t look important at all. It s like why is that such a big deal. They can t even remember what started the conflict. But these things can feel important to them, you add in the big scheme of things, I mean, there s people on the planet right now, who don t even have shelter, or haven t eaten in days, and yet here we are arguing about these things. So is this really just my ego needs or is this really important? Usually, it s about our ego needs being met, and that s why we fight to the death. Because for us not to have that need met, even if it seems superficial on the surface, it s connected to something very fragile, very scary inside and emptiness that is like an ego death. And so we fight very strongly to get that need met. So it can make all the difference to us, and that s why we take a strong stand and so because that need sort of shapes our whole reality, it can be very difficult for people to have to sense that and being over the top, that when I am asking for is really out of balance, I mean, it just seems so natural to me. Remember in the television series, Wife Swap, when their spouses changed families, I mean, they were completely righteous about how the other family was so destructive. And so it s very difficult to talk people out of these realities, but -- so it s helpful to be able to have the sense, to be able to see more objectively, how these pressures influence my reality, so I could be more self- aware and interacting in trying to get my needs met rather than being righteous.