If we're in love, why can there be so much conflict or tension?

If we're in love, why can there be so much conflict or tension?

What is an example of tensions creating conflict using the Enneagram?

What is an example of tensions creating conflict using the Enneagram?

Is the problem our unmet needs or how we communicate our needs with our partner?

Is the problem our unmet needs or how we communicate our needs with our partner?

In a conflict, isn't someone right and someone wrong?

In a conflict, isn't someone right and someone wrong?

What should we do when our needs conflict?

What should we do when our needs conflict?

How do we prevent having conflicts with each other?

How do we prevent having conflicts with each other?

7 Basic Principles for Concious Conflict Resolution

7 Basic Principles for Concious Conflict Resolution

Self-Awareness of Your Personality is the 1st Principle

Self-Awareness of Your Personality is the 1st Principle

What does the Enneagram teach about self-awareness?

What does the Enneagram teach about self-awareness?

How do you know when your personality is "Over the Top?"

How do you know when your personality is "Over the Top?"

Do we need to analyze all the issues from our past?

Do we need to analyze all the issues from our past?

How does self-awareness of your personality help?

How does self-awareness of your personality help?

How can I identify all the areas in my personality where these pressures show up?

How can I identify all the areas in my personality where these pressures show up?

What if what I want in a conflict doesn't seem over the top?

What if what I want in a conflict doesn't seem over the top?

What do we do with our ego needs?

What do we do with our ego needs?

2nd Principle: No More Criticizing or Blaming!

2nd Principle: No More Criticizing or Blaming!

Doesn't honest criticism get your partner to change?

Doesn't honest criticism get your partner to change?

When something is bothering me, how do I get someone to change?

When something is bothering me, how do I get someone to change?

3rd Principle: Take Responsibility in a Conflict

3rd Principle: Take Responsibility in a Conflict

4th Principle: Relating is the key to harmony when needs conflict

4th Principle: Relating is the key to harmony when needs conflict

If I don't agree how can I validate my partner?

If I don't agree how can I validate my partner?

If I don't know what my partner is upset about how can I validate it?

If I don't know what my partner is upset about how can I validate it?

5th Principle: Both Person's Needs Matter!

5th Principle: Both Person's Needs Matter!

6th Principle: Is This the Setting to Really Resolve This?

6th Principle: Is This the Setting to Really Resolve This?

7th Principle: You're Not Entitled to Freely Dump Your Tensions

7th Principle: You're Not Entitled to Freely Dump Your Tensions

How to Have a Successful Relationship (Part 4): Spice up Love

How to Have a Successful Relationship (Part 4): Spice up Love

How to Have a Successful Relationship (Part 1)

How to Have a Successful Relationship (Part 1)

Part 3 - How to Have a Successful Relationship: Tools for Resolving Issues

Part 3 - How to Have a Successful Relationship: Tools for Resolving Issues

If we're in love, why can there be so much conflict or tension?

If we're in love, why can there be so much conflict or tension?

Meeting Dates Made Easy

Meeting Dates Made Easy

Prom Etiquette

Prom Etiquette

How to Buy Diamond Jewelry

How to Buy Diamond Jewelry

How to Buy Diamond Stud Earrings

How to Buy Diamond Stud Earrings

How to Buy a Diamond Bracelet

How to Buy a Diamond Bracelet

How to Buy a Diamond Necklace

How to Buy a Diamond Necklace

How to Save Money Buying Diamond Jewelry

How to Save Money Buying Diamond Jewelry

How to Buy Diamond Jewelry Online

How to Buy Diamond Jewelry Online

How to Care For Diamond Jewelry

How to Care For Diamond Jewelry

How to Insure Your Diamond Jewelry

How to Insure Your Diamond Jewelry

How to Trade-up Diamond Jewelry

How to Trade-up Diamond Jewelry

Dating Tips for Shy People

Dating Tips for Shy People

View more ...

Chris Wright

www.pulsarnet.com/cw  

(703) 560-1520

Chris Wright is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. He sees clients in the Washington, D.C. area and has telephone clients from around the world. So if you are having difficulty in your relationship, call for a free telephone consultation. Chris was Director of the Human Relations Institute in Houston and with PAIRS International -- training psychologists, psychiatrists and therapists in couple's skills programs. As an innovator in the field, he has developed a unique blend of tools that increase the effectiveness in relationships. He has Masters Degrees from the University of Arizona and Antioch University in Los Angeles.

Doesn't honest criticism get your partner to change?

Host: Doesn t honest criticism get your partner to change? Chris Wright: Honest criticism can get your partner to change but I want to be aware that you could be losing something that is precious and having a heartfelt connection together. I mean, there is a big difference between being critical and complaining and shaming your partner, intimidating your partner to gets your needs met.

First is empowering your partner, supporting your partner to change in a way that would meet your needs.

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Transcripts

Host: Doesn t honest criticism get your partner to change? Chris Wright: Honest criticism can get your partner to change but I want to be aware that you could be losing something that is precious and having a heartfelt connection together. I mean, there is a big difference between being critical and complaining and shaming your partner, intimidating your partner to gets your needs met.

First is empowering your partner, supporting your partner to change in a way that would meet your needs. In a marriage, I want as both could be committed, to being responsive to each other needs and to empower and support to each other to make those changes that are necessary.

Criticism and criticality in making the partner wrong may back fire. I mean contrast is, look and see in your vocabulary, how many empowerment words do you use. Look at this list on the chart that you have up, I mean, look and see in your vocabulary to use things like I appreciate, it makes such a difference, I know it is not easy, your perseverance is great, you are important here, do it your way, have fun, you can be a hero, it means a lot to me, thank you, I wanted to give you this gift of appreciation, I mean these are powerful messages that motivate. If you do the opposite and criticize and demean or cause the person to contract. I mean, after all in their world, what they do makes sense and so you can only set up a barrier resistance, that sort of erodes their goodwill and if they take a stand and defend to their world, now it is turning into an argument. Here you are trying to criticize in order to get them to change to meet your needs instead they are becoming more rigid, more sense of feeling, offended by what you did and so neither needs are being met in the process and so it becomes important for you to learn how to express your needs in a way that empowers and supports your partner to make the changes necessary.

How do we find our personality needs using the Enneagram?

How do we find our personality needs using the Enneagram?

What are the nine personality needs in the Enneagram?

What are the nine personality needs in the Enneagram?

How can we learn more about our own Enneagram type and our partners?

How can we learn more about our own Enneagram type and our partners?

How can we identify what our core personality needs are?

How can we identify what our core personality needs are?

What is the most important Element or skill in discussing issues?

What is the most important Element or skill in discussing issues?

Tools for Listening so That You Always Feel Heard

Tools for Listening so That You Always Feel Heard

Can I always de-escalate the pressure?

Can I always de-escalate the pressure?

Part 5 - How to Live the Relationship You Dreamed Of

Part 5 - How to Live the Relationship You Dreamed Of

For unhappy couples, could they just be incompatible?

For unhappy couples, could they just be incompatible?

What does it take for a couple to live the relationship they've dreamed of?

What does it take for a couple to live the relationship they've dreamed of?