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How to Prepare your Children for a Divorce

How can I explain to my child if my spouse wants a divorce and I don't?

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John Spiegel
http://www.mediationoffice.net/  

<span>An experienced family-law attorney, John Spiegel has devoted his practice exclusively to family mediation since 1996. John is a graduate of Yale Law School and has been active as a mediation trainer and presenter in Maryland and nationally. He served in 2003 and 2004 as President of the Maryland Council for Dispute Resolution (MCDR), a statewide ADR practitioners’ organization, and in 2005 – 2008 as President of the Montgomery County Divorce Roundtable, an interdisciplinary professional organization. John has published articles on mediation and law reform issues and has lobbied on behalf of these issues before the Maryland General Assembly. In 2001, he received recognition as a Certified Mediator from MCDR. The father of four children, John views mediation as a continuation of his legal work on behalf of children and families.</span>

How can I explain to my child if my spouse wants a divorce and I don't?

 

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Host: How can I explain to my child if my spouse wants a divorce and I do not?

John Spiegel: Well, you may not need to say anything at all. It depends on the age of the children, it depends on what questions they ask you in on the whole context. If it is a situation where you feel that that piece of information is important, in other words as a parent, you want to say to your child, This wasn't my idea, I wasn't the one that initiated this.

The key if you are going to communicate that information is to be descriptive and not blaming. Just in every stage of these communications with children about separation, divorce, a key rule is no blaming because that's harmful to the children. So you could say to them just as a factual matter, It was your father who initiated this, but not partially. Not as if to say And it is his fault that we are all suffering, that is not appropriate, it is not helpful.

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