Speaker: Can you create chemistry in an area where it's lacking?

Toni Coleman: This is something that comes up a lot with people. Question I certainly get in off a lot is how do you make it happen? If you feel like you have some really positive things going, but there is just one little area that, how do you still get, how do you create it, and the answer to that question would be it again depends upon the couple. If there is for insistence a lacking or a shortcoming and the physical attraction on the part of one partner or the other, perhaps they can work on that together. There could be things in terms of how they relate sexually, that could be worked on, there could be things in their backgrounds that impact their ability to sort of be themselves sexually and sort of be open with each other, something like that can certainly we worked with and very often couples seek out that kind of help.

It's a friendship thing or inability to really sort of relate to one another; sometimes what is helpful to people is to work on learning how to be a better listener or learning how to be more open with the other person because that's what that person is saying they need, so working to their communication skills and then perhaps that's enough. There is enough of a kind of inability to relate nonverbally, but verbally, there is just something lacking, which of course we hear a lot with men and women. So sometimes it's just a question of learning good communication skills.

In terms of the intellectual stimulation, that I think often a harder one. Your level of interest, your personality, your intensity those things are kind of innate and we don't usually see people really work on those together, but with the other two there is something that can be done. That being said, both people really have to be open to that and have to want to do that together.