Speaker: Are there any secrets to creating rapport with a man?

Gloria MacDonald: There are secrets to creating rapport with a man or really, frankly, anybody and you can use these secrets in a business meeting, these tips in a business meeting. The whole idea of creating rapport is telling that other person, I am like you and you are not going to tell this person this actually using the words. It's all subconscious signals. I have talked a lot over various different clips we have done about how the subconscious mind works, that the subconscious mind is always looking for things that say, hmm, that person is the same as me. That person is like me. We have something in common. This is safe. This is an area I am comfortable with. This is the pattern I have seen before. So, there are three main ways to show someone else that you are like them and the first one is body posture. So, if the man is sitting up straight when you are meeting you want to be sitting up straight. If the man is leaning forward you want to be leaning forward. If the man has his hands crossed in front of his face you want to have your hands crossed. It's amazing at the subconscious level. The more we do that's like the other person in body gestures. If the person is moving their hands when they are talking, you want to match that and you want to move your hands when they are talking. If the person crosses their arms you want to cross your arms. You really want to match their body gestures. They'll have no idea you are doing this, but when they cross their legs you cross your legs. So the more you show them that your body gestures are the same as theirs, their subconscious mind will recognize that pattern and they'll say, hmm, we are alike. We have something in common. This is safe.

Another way to do this is through language. So if someone speaks very quietly and slowly, you want to speak very quietly and slowly. If someone is really animated and they're speaking fast and they're using a louder voice, then you need to match that. You need to speak faster. You need to be more animated. You need to use a louder voice. You also need to match vocabulary. So if someone's talking about feeling words, oh I am happy; I love this; I get so excited by that, then you need to use feeling words of happy, excitement, love, all those things in your speech. It's amazing that these things are all at a subconscious level, but it is sending that other person signals that says, we are alike; we are the same; you are comfortable with me, I am comfortable with you. The third thing, which is the most difficult thing, is matching breathing patterns. This one takes a lot of practice, but if you can actually breathe in and breathe out at the same time that other person is, again, totally subconscious; no one would have any idea you are doing it, but it sends a subconscious message to that person that we are the same; we are alike and it creates an environment of safety and comfort.